Young business man having severe back pain, kidney stones

Adam Sandler Throws Out Back After Carrying Friends Professionally For the Last 20 Years

by Andy Marx & Will McArdle

Movie star Adam Sandler was rushed to the emergency room yesterday after complaining about serious back pain, which doctors later revealed was the result of the actor carrying too many friends professionally for the last 20 years. The physician who treated Sandler, Dr. Peter Thomas, believes the stress caused by the actor’s latest film, “Blended,” flopping with audiences and critics this past weekend also contributed to Sandler throwing his back out.

“This was the same injury that nearly killed Burt Reynolds during the making of ‘Cannonball Run II’ because he tried to carry best friend Dom DeLuise professionally,” Dr. Thomas told Hollywood & Swine. “It’s important for a movie star to at least try stretching himself every five years, otherwise this kind of terrible thing happens. And, yes, I’m talking about the film ‘Blended.’”

In addition to giving Sandler a prescription for Vicodin and ordering plenty of bed rest, Dr. Thomas suggested Sandler not make any more movies with anyone he remotely considers a friend.  Unfortunately for Sandler, his bed rest was interrupted when his friends and fellow collaborators, which included directors Dennis Dugan, Frank Coraci, Peter Seagal; screenwriter Tim Herlihy, and actors Nick Swardson, David Spade, Allen Covert, and Kevin Nealon arrived to check up on the movie star and to find out when he’s ready to start filming his next comedy.

“I’m not a doctor, but I did play one with my cameo as Dr. Larry in ‘Grown Ups 2,’ so I think I know what’s best for Adam,” Dennis Dugan said. “All he needs to do is make ‘Grown Ups 3’ and he’ll be feeling better than ever.”