Kelsey Grammer

All Five People Who Subscribe to Starz Furious Over Cancellation of Kelsey Grammer’s ‘Boss’

Premium cable network Starz announced yesterday it is cancelling its critically-acclaimed series “Boss,” starring Kelsey Grammer after two seasons, immediately setting off angry protests from the five people in America who actually have a subscription to Starz.

Kelsey Grammer

All five Starz subscribers immediately converged on the network’s headquarters to protest the cancellation of “Boss.”

“We can no longer afford to produce new episodes of ‘Boss,’ due to the fact our network only has five subscribers,” Starz President Chris Albrecht admitted to Hollywood & Swine.  “I totally understand our subscribers’ anger because from what I hear, ‘Boss’ is quite good.  Unfortunately, I don’t subscribe to Starz so I never got a chance to watch it.”

According to Albrecht, Starz was hoping to boost its subscribers this season with a new marketing campaign that included the slogans, “It’s like HBO and Showtime, only not as good,” and “If you have an extra $12.99 a month to waste on cable, check out Starz.”  Unfortunately for the network, neither slogan was able to raise viewership.

Kelsey Grammer’s Golden-Globe winning performance as Tom Kane, the mayor of Chicag,o who is secretly dealing with a degenerative neurological disorder, will be missed by at least one fan, real life Mayor of Chicago Rahm Emanuel, who watched season one of “Boss” on DVD to avoid having to subscribe to Starz.

“I only hope that I can live up to Grammer’s morally-corrupt and manipulative mayor character on ‘Boss,’ ” Mayor Emanuel said.

Kelsey Grammer assured his fans that even though his series has been cancelled, he is determined to stay on television.

“That’s why I dumped my new wife and got back together with my ex-wife Camille,” Grammer said.  “Starting next month, look for me on new episodes of Bravo’s “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.’ “

  • Randy O.

    Brilliant satire! God, you guys are funny!!
    Not sure if Mr. Grammer will see the humor in it though.

  • Duke7734

    We love BOSS AND we are #6 and #7 who subscribe….great show…

  • Greg Bonkowski

    Okay…now you’re just wrong…Boss was a great show…

  • tomasiepants

    Emanuel’s pretty much there…