"Jersey Shore"

America Devastated To Learn Cast of ‘Jersey Shore’ Survived Hurricane Sandy

In the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, one of the worst storms to hit the U.S. in decades, Americans nationwide are mourning not only the devastation along the Eastern Seaboard, but more importantly, the fact that the entire cast of MTV’s “Jersey Shore” survived the hurricane’s destruction.  Rescue workers who arrived at the infamous cast members’ Seaside Heights house, which was left in ruins following the hurricane, realized the reality stars were still alive after hearing Pauly D’s horrible club music playing from underneath the rubble.

"Jersey Shore"

The cast of “Jersey Shore” survived Hurricane Sandy.

“I’ve seen many miracles during my years in the fire department,” said New Jersey firefighter Dylan Crump, who helped pull Vinny, Ronnie, Deena, JWoww, Pauly D, Snooki, and Mike “The Situation” to safety. “But this wasn’t one of them.”

Although authorities ordered the reality stars to evacuate their Seaside Heights house yesterday, the cast decided to stay and ride out the storm after realizing there wasn’t enough time for them to take all their alcohol, hair products, tanning lotion, and cheesy Guido jewelry with them.

“When I thought we might not make it through the hurricane, I realized there were so many things in my life I still have to do,” JWoww said.  “Like travel the world, start a family, and finally get my high school diploma.”

The cast was immediately escorted to a nearby hospital where they were checked for injuries, but remarkably everyone was in perfect health.  Physicians believe the “Jersey Shore” cast’s ability to live through the deadly hurricane was a result of their leathery skin and hardened livers caused by years of excessive tanning and binge drinking, which gave them alligator-like survival traits.

To commemorate the nation’s grieving over the survival of the “Jersey Shore” cast, New Jersey governor Chris Christie announced he will hang a tank top at half-mast outside the state’s capital building in Trenton.

“Hurricane Sandy is the worst thing to happen to this state, since the first season of ‘Jersey Shore,’ ” New Jersey Governor Chris Christie told Hollywood & Swine.  “But at least hurricanes can’t spread sexually transmitted diseases and negative stereotypes, unlike the cast of ‘Jersey Shore.’ “

  • katz5

    Too bad Sandy wasn’t strong enough to take Jersey Shore and the Kardashians! Neither would be missed.

  • raeanna

    U know people may not like the Jersey Shore show or people in it but those people on that show are still somebody’s family! Those girls are someone’s daughters, sisters, nieces, mothers! And the same goes for the boys on the show. They are someone’s sons, nephews, brothers. What if it was one of your brothers or sisters on that show this was spread about them, how would u feel then? We all know the story is untrue but still it’s someone’s family you could be talking about! Show a little respect and dignity would ya?

    • DamionThorn

      Ok, even mentioning the words “respect” and “dignity” to defend these wastes of skin and oxygen is an incredible joke. If any of them had an iota of either, they wouldn’t be the complete douchebags they are. The world would be better off if they had been trapped in the basement of the house. Yes, along with the Kardashians and Honey boo boos parents. When the storm was hitting, I hoped it would be devastating enough to the cast of this show that the world am never hear of them again. No one wanted them to die…please…that would make them saints. We all just wan them to shut the fuck up….and maybe gets snookis poor baby Ito the custody of someone with a shred of decency for good.

  • Lala

    This is done in horrible taste. Regardless of the show, Seaside and the rest of the coast of NJ is destroyed. I’m hoping the cast of the show will help restore the place that made them famous (whether you like them or not).

  • http://www.facebook.com/AppleJaxx Apple Jax

    LOL! WTF? Why is Jersey Shore even a TV show? I hate the entire lowlife cast. They are exactly how you SHOULDN’T be and how you SHOULDN’T raise your kids. Losers the whole bunch…..too bad they made a mint from being on that stupid show.