In the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, one of the worst storms to hit the U.S. in decades, Americans nationwide are mourning not only the devastation along the Eastern Seaboard, but more importantly, the fact that the entire cast of MTV’s “Jersey Shore” survived the hurricane’s destruction. Rescue workers who arrived at the infamous cast members’ Seaside Heights house, which was left in ruins following the hurricane, realized the reality stars were still alive after hearing Pauly D’s horrible club music playing from underneath the rubble.
“I’ve seen many miracles during my years in the fire department,” said New Jersey firefighter Dylan Crump, who helped pull Vinny, Ronnie, Deena, JWoww, Pauly D, Snooki, and Mike “The Situation” to safety. “But this wasn’t one of them.”
Although authorities ordered the reality stars to evacuate their Seaside Heights house yesterday, the cast decided to stay and ride out the storm after realizing there wasn’t enough time for them to take all their alcohol, hair products, tanning lotion, and cheesy Guido jewelry with them.
“When I thought we might not make it through the hurricane, I realized there were so many things in my life I still have to do,” JWoww said. “Like travel the world, start a family, and finally get my high school diploma.”
The cast was immediately escorted to a nearby hospital where they were checked for injuries, but remarkably everyone was in perfect health. Physicians believe the “Jersey Shore” cast’s ability to live through the deadly hurricane was a result of their leathery skin and hardened livers caused by years of excessive tanning and binge drinking, which gave them alligator-like survival traits.
To commemorate the nation’s grieving over the survival of the “Jersey Shore” cast, New Jersey governor Chris Christie announced he will hang a tank top at half-mast outside the state’s capital building in Trenton.
“Hurricane Sandy is the worst thing to happen to this state, since the first season of ‘Jersey Shore,’ ” New Jersey Governor Chris Christie told Hollywood & Swine. “But at least hurricanes can’t spread sexually transmitted diseases and negative stereotypes, unlike the cast of ‘Jersey Shore.’ “