script doctors

Americans Support Obamacare after Learning Adam Sandler Films Will Finally Get Help From Script Doctors

Despite the government shutting down as a result of Washington politicians fighting over Obamacare, a Gallup poll conducted this morning revealed that 99% of Americans, including Tea Party members, fully support Obamacare, upon learning that Adam Sandler projects will finally receive help from much needed script doctors.

According to the Gallup poll, one of the biggest reasons Americans were split over Obamacare, was that they didn’t realize that covered in the over 960-page Patient Protection and Affordable Care document passed into the law, was a provision providing movie stars who make terrible movies, including Sandler, Nicolas Cage and Eddie Murphy, unlimited use of script doctors for all future films.

script doctors

“Before Obamacare, I couldn’t afford good script doctors, so I ended up hiring my old friends from “Saturday Night Live” to write my movies,” Sandler told Hollywood & Swine.  “I’m confident once Republicans in Congress go back and watch ‘Grown Ups 2,’ ‘That’s My Boy,’ and ‘Jack and Jill,’ and realize how bad those movies are, they’ll understand how much this country needs Obamacare.”

On the heels of the Gallup poll results, Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner admitted it didn’t change his or his colleagues’ stance on fighting Obamacare, claiming that the inclusion of script doctors — pricey screenwriters hired to do much needed rewrites — proves how bloated and too expensive President Obama’s policy is for the nation.

“Although I agree with President Obama that the most recent films of Adam Sandler, Nic Cage and Eddie Murphy could have benefited from the help of script doctor, America can’t afford it,” Boehner said.  “And one of reasons script doctors are so expensive is the malpractice insurance they have to take out.  Just this year alone the script doctors who worked on ‘R.I.P.D.,’ The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones,’ ‘Gangster Squad,’ ‘The Incredible Burt Wonderstone,’ ‘The Big Wedding,’ and ‘Lone Ranger,’ were all sued by the studios who hired them after they reaized the script doctors actually made them worse and caused their boxffice deaths.”

  • Marcd30319

    Yeah, but there’s a three-month waiting list for appointments!