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Apple Donates Computers to Fred Willard So He Can Watch Porn Online Like Everyone Else

In the wake of actor Fred Willard’s arrest for lewd conduct in an adult movie theater last week, Apple Inc. has announced it has donated several computers to the 72-year-old Emmy nominated actor so he can watch pornography online in the privacy of his own home like a normal human being.

“When we first heard that Fred Willard was busted for lewd conduct in a porn theater, we at Apple all assumed someone was retelling a story from the early ‘90’s,” Apple CEO Tim Cook told Hollywood & Swine. “Like most of America, we were unaware adult movie theaters still existed, believing they were all put out of business by the billion dollar online porn industry.”

Fred Willard

Shortly after receiving several computers from Apple, Fred Willard wasted no time in going online to find the best adult sites on the web.

According to Cook, Apple is excited to develop a relationship with Willard, whom they believe represents an untapped consumer demographic of perverted old men who aren’t computer savvy.

“Let’s face it, there aren’t really too many people left who don’t already own an Apple product,” Cook said.  ”But thanks to Mr. Willard, we’re looking at a whole new audience for our products.”

Among the computers being donated by Apple to Willard are a 24-inch iMac, a 13-inch MacBook Air and the brand-new 15-inch MacBook Pro with the company’s state-of-the-art retina display.

“We think Mr. Willard is really going to enjoy the way porn seems to come to life on the new retina display,” Cook said.  ”After experiencing porn on the MacBook Pro, he may never leave the house.”

In addition to the free computers, Apple plans on sending former company spokesperson Justin Long over to Willard’s house to teach him how to find all the best porn websites.

Willard, who used his senior citizen discount to enter the adult movie theater, has since been fired from his job on PBS’ “Market Warriors.”

“It’s been a horrible week,” Willard told Hollywood & Swine.  ”No one will even shake my hand now, unless they see me wash it first.”

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