chinese workers

Apple’s Chinese Factory Workers Reach Breaking Point After Being Forced to Watch Ashton Kutcher’s ‘jOBS’

Apple’s Chinese factory workers, who have endured harsh working conditions and terrible wages that resulted in the need for suicide nets last year, finally reached their breaking point last night, after being forced by their inhumane bosses to watch “jOBS,” the new Steve Jobs biopic starring Ashton Kutcher.

In a desperate attempt to avoid having to sit through “jOBS,” as well as the two hour Q&A with Kutcher that followed, hundreds of fed-up employees ran into the streets and committed suicide by breathing in China’s toxic polluted air.

Chinese Workers

Having been forced to sit through a screening of Ashton Kutcher’s “jOBS,” five Chinese Apple factory employees, unable to escape, were then ordered to stay for the Q&A with Kutcher.

“We became suspicious when our bosses told us they were going to let us watch a movie because they’ve never done anything nice for us before,” a factory worker told Hollywood & Swine.  “Then we saw Ashton Kutcher’s name in the opening credits and realized how despicable our employers really are.”

Kutcher, who hasn’t a witnessed a response like this since the first test screening of his 2010 comedy, “Killers,” co-starring Katherine Heigl, was appalled by the factory workers’ unwillingness to give his performance a chance and says he now understands why the workers are treated so badly.  Kutcher was also disappointed that he wasn’t able to explain in the follow-up Q&A the heroic lengths he took to channel Steve Jobs, which included going on an all-fruit diet which sent the actor to the hospital and nearly took his life.

Sadly, Kutcher’s dangerous all-fruit method acting for “jOBS,” wasn’t enough to win over the few unfortunate Chinese factory workers who were unable to escape the screening.

“Steve Jobs may have earned billions from iPhones made by underpaid people in cruel and untolerable working conditions, but even he didn’t deserve to have Ashton Kutcher play him,” said one Chinese employee.  “I’d rather starve than make another iPad capable of playing ‘jOBS.’ ”

  • TebowFTW

    ***slow clap***