ben affleck oscars

Ben Affleck Inspires Millionaire Movie Stars Not to Give up On Their Dreams

On the heels of his “Argo” winning three Oscars, including one for Best Picture, Ben Affleck has become an inspiration for dozens of depressed, millionaire movie stars across Hollywood who have starred in terrible movies, telling them that they too still have a chance at happiness.

“I want every person out there who won an Oscar at twenty-five and then went on to have sex with beautiful movie stars and make a fortune starring in really bad movies, to know that life gets better,” Affleck told Hollywood & Swine.  “You just have to hang in there.”

Ben Affleck

After winning an Oscar for Best Picture, Ben Affleck has become an inspiration for dozens of actors looking to revitalize their careers after starring in terrible movies.

A suicidal Matthew McConaughey, who was forced to watch the Oscars in his mansion, after failing to receive a nomination despite starring in over a dozen independent films last year, credits Affleck’s speech for giving him the strength to go on.

“I never thought anyone who starred in a comedy with Jennifer Lopez would go on to win an Oscar,” said McConaughey, who starred with Lopez in “The Wedding Planner.”  “But Ben proved it’s possible, and that’s why I called my agent last night to tell him I want to direct.”

And McConaughey wasn’t the only one inspired: According to Affleck, he’s already heard from Gerard Butler, Taylor Kitsch and Colin Farrell — all of whom have seen their careers fizzle — looking for advice on how they can become directors.

Affleck wasn’t the only big winner last night, as Oscar host Seth MacFarlane’s performance was hailed by critics as the most ambitious audition tape for hosting the Tony Awards ever.  According to MacFarlane, he originally wanted George Takei to appear in his “Star Trek” uniform to give him advice on hosting, but Takei passed following rehearsals because he felt the show MacFarlane had planned was too gay.

  • Heather Ferris

    So…once a person becomes rich, we should hope that they never have any success? The guy is an amazing director. And he works really, really hard at it. Let’s minimize his hard work and hope he never has any success, though, because he’s already rich.

    • disqus_wuGZajqQAq

      Wow, Heather, evidently you don’t understand satire….or understand that these same people who are recipients of government largess, are asking all of us to pay more in taxes. Rewarding hard work is exactly what the Republican party wants….but not giving Hollywood who makes billions and then says that we should pay for their government handouts….that’s double dipping! That’s all we’re saying.

      • Heather Ferris

        Uh, do you understand that it’s EITHER satire OR a piece on the “recipients of government largess, are asking all of us to pay more in taxes”? Can’t have it both ways.

    • shempus

      Jeez Girl. Take a joke, my word.

  • Julemry

    “Argo” was a great caper film. Good job, Ben. More importantly, where has Hollywood and Swine been all my life? HILARIOUS. Growing up in Southern Cal, you meet so many self-important idiots. Glad to see them being exposed for the fakes they are.

  • David S.

    Heather, your understanding of satire and its application is… unique.

  • lanam

    Who is Ben Affleck?

  • Pingback: Matthew McConaughey Comes Face to Face With Hero in Bathroom Mirror at Vanity Fair Oscar Party