Billy Crystal

Billy Crystal Places Fifth in Billy Crystal Look-Alike Contest

A promotional stunt for the new comedy “Parental Guidance” went horribly awry when the film’s star, Billy Crystal, placed only fifth in a Billy Crystal look-alike contest held at the Staples Center during halftime at last night’s Clippers game.  Crystal was horrified when the look-alike contest, which was intended to bring attention to his new comedy which opens on Christmas Day, only brought attention to how much the comedian’s appearance has changed in recent years due to extensive plastic surgery.

Billy Crystal

Matt Zirbel (left), the first place winner of the Billy Crystal look-alike contest, stands next to the real Billy Crystal, who placed fifth in the competition.

“I didn’t vote for him because I thought it was someone wearing a Billy Crystal Halloween mask, which was strictly against the rules,” said one judge who was shocked when Crystal pulled out his driver’s license to prove his identity.  “I guess Billy Crystal’s last few movies aren’t the only things that look bad.”

Crystal’s night only got worse when he asked the crowd if anyone could name the title of his new comedy.

“I’ll give you a hint, it’s that really unappealing comedy co-starring a legendary singer,” Crystal told the crowd, who immediately guessed that the movie he was referring to was “The Guilt Trip,” starring Barbara Streisand.  “No, I’m in ‘Parental Guidance,’ the other unappealing comedy that co-stars Bette Milder.”

Matt Zirbel, the first place winner of the look-alike contest, said he was excited to win until he learned his prize was two tickets to the opening day matinee of “Parental Guidance,” which he immediately declined.

Crystal’s plastic surgeon, Dr. Irving Hansen, took full responsibility for Crystal’s fifth place finish in the look-alike contest.

“Billy Crystal came to me because he couldn’t stand looking in the mirror, since it kept reminding him of how bad his 2002 flop ‘Analyze That’ was,” Dr. Hansen told Hollywood & Swine.  “Now thanks to me, he hardly looks anything like the star of that terrible movie and it’s safe for him to go back out in public.”