Admitting his last name has lost its value and means nothing anymore, former Olympic Decathlon gold medal winner Bruce Jenner announced today he was throwing in the towel and legally changing his name to Bruce Kardashian.
“For years the Kardashian name has been synonymous with talentless reality stars and with helping O.J. Simpson get away with double homicide,” Bruce Kardashian told Hollywood & Swine. “Now the Kardashian name will also represent the heart of an Olympic champion.”
At the news conference where the Olympic champion announced the name change, on-lookers expressed confusion as to whether or not Bruce Kardashian was happy with his new name due to the fact that his face can no longer display emotion after years of plastic surgery.
Upon hearing news of the announcement, the International Olympic Committee said they were thrilled and looked forward to the having the Kardashian name appearing in all Olympic record books.