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Bryan Singer’s Alleged Victim Still Incredibly Excited For ‘X-Men Days of Future Past’

by Andy Marx & Will McArdle

Michael F. Egan III, the man suing director Bryan Singer for allegedly sexually-assaulting him as a teenager, said that despite his horrific accusations against the filmmaker, he is as excited as the rest of America is to see the director’s highly-anticipated summer blockbuster, “X-Men: Days of Future Past.”

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“Now that I’ve addressed the issue of the boy that was drugged and sexually assaulted in the late ’90s, we can address the fan boy who is thrilled to see the characters from ‘X-Men: The Last Stand’ team up with the characters from ‘X-Men: First Class’ for an ‘Avengers’ level cinematic event,” Egan III told Hollywood & Swine.  “Did you guys see that trailer?  How is Professor Xavier walking around if he got paralyzed at the end of ‘X-Men: First Class?’  I haven’t been this confused since Bryan Singer gave me one of those weird tasting drinks at his pool party in Hawaii.”

During the press conference Egan III also accused Singer of ripping off the plot of the Season 4 episode of “Lost” entitled “The Constant,” in which the character of Desmond uses his subconscious to travel through time, for the plot of “X-Men: Days of Futures Past.”  Bryan Singer immediately dismissed this claim, calling it as unfounded as the rest of Egan’s accusations.

“I want clear up three things,” Singer said.  “First off, I never sexually-assaulted anyone.  Second, if we’re ripping off anyone in ‘X-Men: Days of Future Past’ it’s Kurt Vonnegut’s ‘Slaughterhouse-Five.’  And third and most importantly, despite rumors on the contrary, the pool party after the ‘X-Men’ premiere is still on.”

  • krusatyr

    The more hmsxls get locked up for crimes against young men, the safer America will be.

    Contrary to Ho’wood depravity, buggery is not a sacrament, only a crime against God and biology.

    • derrick

      It’s called parody, you f ing IDIOT! Now, get back to your “Fux” News indoctrination hate fest.
      F U!

      • krusatyr

        The real bloody tragedy of hmsxl abuse cycles apace, mockery or no.

  • paulytical

    Is this site a parody, or is this real? Did the man who is suing Bryan Singer really say he wants to see his latest movie, and did Singer say the after-premiere pool party is still on? Both of these statements seem a bit ludicrous in light of the circumstances.

    • derrick

      Good Lord. I bet you’d buy the Brooklyn Bridge.

      • paulytical

        Only if the price was right!

  • Jack Shepherd

    Oh, I see. This is supposed to be like an Onion article, only it’s not funny.

  • Guest

    I can’t believe this is a pedophile site. Disgusting. This site is being reported.

    • Joe Small

      Are you for real? This is a parody news site. What makes you think it’s a pedophile site?

  • David Manning Jr.

    I’ve worked here as main film critic for Hollywood&Swine for over a month and I’ll go on the record saying these people have been nothing but kind to me.

  • marantaz

    Yeah, this is kind of lame. But then, I don’t find the onion funny either. It just doesn’t work in print unless you’ve lived a little and have some experience that makes your humor a little more insightful and … well, funny.

  • Lacrobat

    A bumper crop of gullible idiots/religious nutjobs being drawn to this article I see.