tom cruise 5

Church of Scientology Turns to Craigslist to Find New Wife for Tom Cruise

The Church of Scientology announced today it has begun its search for a new wife for its most famous member, Tom Cruise, by placing an ad on the popular classified ads website, Craigslist.  The announcement follows recent revelations that the church auditioned dozens of Hollywood actresses for the role of Cruise’s third wife, a practice the church says it is now abandoning in favor of Craigslist, known for its racy personal ads.

“Following his third divorce from an actress, Tom wants to make sure his next wife is an ordinary woman,” a spokesperson for the Church of Scientology told Hollywood & Swine.  “And where better to find an ordinary woman than on Craigslist?”

The idea to use Craigslist came from fellow Scientologist John Travolta, who after being sued countless times for sexual harassment by male masseurs, decided to buy a used massage chair from a Craigslist ad.

“It’s great, I can do anything I want to this chair and I never have to worry about it hiring an attorney,” Travolta told Hollywood & Swine.

The Church of Scientology has come under fire in recent months since Cruise’s former wife, Katie Holmes, filed for divorce.  According to allegations, Holmes marriage to Cruise was the result of an extensive search by the church to find the movie star a new wife after his divorce from Nicole Kidman.  After auditioning numerous actresses, including Scarlett Johansson, Lindsay Lohan and Diane Keaton, the Scientologists in charge of finding Cruise a new wife were about to give up until they came across a “Dawson’s Creek” rerun on TBS.  It was then that they quickly decided on Holmes, one of the show’s stars.

According to Scientology officials, within hours of Cruise’s ad for a new wife appearing on Craigslist, the ad received numerous responses, including dozens from prostitutes, closeted gay men and serial killers.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=528682837 Sandi Gliewe

    Hahahahahahaaaaa………

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  • Himangi

    nice to see people being condemned for what they choose to believe. I wonder if we are in 21st century yet.

    • JustCallMeMary

      Ok….I won’t condemn you for believing in aliens, too.

    • Jory

      1) You are making a mistake: Nobody CHOOSES $cientology; They (and you, probably) are BRAINWASHED into thinking they did. 2) Just as normal people do have a right for their opinions & beliefs, so other people have the right to view those opinions as stupid.

  • werewife

    This site is a laugh-and-a-half! I’ll be back! Thanks!

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  • JustCallMeMary

    Very funny! Love it!!

  • Ming the Merciless

    The twink need a shit, a shower and a shave…stink like a horse…a dead horse…them fudge packers! Now, if he smelled good, I’d allow him in my presidential suite!(Aaaand we’d pack fudge!)

  • http://www.facebook.com/celine.mcguire.5 Celine McGuire

    Turn offs: Dawson’s Creek. BAHAHA! Hilarious.

  • TomCruise’sCareerisOVER

    I can imagine Tom and his cult would go this far out of desperation to find this midget a wife.

  • TruthHurtsDeal

    “It’s great, I can do anything I want to this chair and I never have to worry about it hiring an attorney,” Travolta told Hollywood & Swine