Doctors Discover Spike Lee’s Decades-Long Crankiness Caused by Lack of Sleep

Following Spike Lee publicly attacking Quentin Tarantino’s critically-acclaimed “Django Unchained,” which he called disrespectful to his ancestors and vowed to boycott, a team of doctors from the Mayo Clinic have diagnosed Lee with severe lack of sleep, which they claim is responsible for the extreme crankiness that has plagued the director for more than two decades.  Lee’s family and friends begged him to check into the Mayo Clinic when they noticed he was even unable to smile while watching his beloved New York Knicks actually win a game this season.

Though Lee’s crankiness has been legendary for years, it reached a boiling point in 2012 when he mistakenly tweeted the wrong address of George Zimmerman (Hollywood & Swine, April 2, 2012), the man accused of shooting Trayvon Martin, and continued his attacks on Tarantino for his excessive use of the “n” word in films.  His crankiness escalated when he attacked Tyler Perry for his excessive use of Tyler Perry in his films, and even told a group of small children that Santa Claus didn’t really exist.

“For years I thought I was angry because I was jealous that people actually wanted to see Tyler Perry’s and Quentin Tarantino’s movies and didn’t want to see mine,” A relieved Spike Lee told Hollywood & Swine.  “As it turns out, I just needed a good night’s sleep.”

Upon being released from the Mayo Clinic, doctors immediately ordered Lee to go home and watch the first twenty minutes of his latest film “Red Hook Summer,” which has been helping the few hundred people in America who actually watched the film get some sleep.

On the positive side, officials of Director Jail admitted that Lee, who was serving time for the cinematic crime of 2008’s “Miracle at St. Anna,” was granted early release after many of the other inmates, including Oliver Stone, Joel Shumacher and Peter Berg signed a petition asking for Lee to be released after they couldn’t take any more of his crankiness.