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ESPN to Broadcast Upcoming Elevator Fight Between Ray Rice and Solange Knowles

by Andy Marx & Will McArdle

Following an intense network bidding war, ESPN has acquired the television rights to the highly anticipated elevator fight between suspended NFL running back Ray Rice and Jay Z’s infamous sister-in-law, Solange Knowles. According to Rice, who was released by the Baltimore Ravens and suspended indefinitely by the NFL today after TMZ released a video of him knocking his fiancée unconscious, he’s looking forward to fighting a woman in an elevator who will actually give him a challenge.

“I’m taking this fight seriously,” Rice told Hollywood & Swine. “I’ve even hired Chris Brown to train me. I’d rather be getting paid to hit the hole my offensive line opens up for me on Sundays, but getting paid to hit Beyonce’s less talented little sister isn’t too bad.”

ESPN will air the elevator fight which the network has titled “Going Down: Rice vs. Knowles” on Saturday, September 27th and will be held in an elevator in New York City’s Empire State Building to guarantee that it will last long enough to entertain viewers.

Serving as the fight’s blow-by-blow commentator and color analysts will be ESPN “First Take” stars Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith, who was suspended in July for his comments on the Ray Rice controversy in which he implied that women deserve some of the blame in domestic violence.

“I’ve studied the tape of Solange beating the hell out of Jay-Z, so it’s clear she can handle a man,” Smith said. “But if Solange provokes Ray enough to get him properly fired up, I think he’ll be victorious.”