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Harvard to Fund Study to Figure Out Why Everyone Hates Gwyneth Paltrow

Harvard University has announced it is funding a new research study to determine why everyone hates former America’s sweetheart, Gwyneth Paltrow, so much.  According to Harvard researchers, they choose Paltrow as their subject of their study after the “Iron Man 3” star managed to win People’s Most Beautiful Woman Alive and Star Magazine’s Most Hated Celebrity in the same month.

Gwyneth Paltrow

Harvard University researchers at work trying to figure out why actress Gwyneth Paltrow is so universally hated.

“When the Boston bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev woke up in the hospital, the first thing he asked was does America hate him more than Gwyneth Paltrow,” an FBI agent, who spoke under the condition of anonymity, told Hollywood & Swine.  “We told him it was too close to call.”

The Harvard scientists are looking into several theories behind the epidemic of Paltrow hatred that include:

– The terrible movies outside of the “Iron Man” franchise she’s made since winning an Oscar over a decade ago.

– Her blog, in which she helps teach people how to improve themselves by trying to live more like a millionaire movie star.

– She had the audacity to name her first born child, Apple, after the company behind the iPhone.

– The fact she’s married to the lead singer of Coldplay,

The Harvard researchers are hoping to have as much success as last year’s study which figured out why everyone hates “Tonight Show” host, Jay Leno, so much.  After thousands of hours of interviewing friends, peers, and family members of Leno, researchers finally had a breakthrough when they sat down and watched an episode of the “Tonight Show” and immediately understood where the hatred came from.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sarah-Johnston/100000239953624 Sarah Johnston

    This is dumber than dumb..

    • Breklor Bonaconkin

      MY FINGER IS IN MY NOSE.

  • Alex

    Finally, I need to understand this overwhelming urge to punch a wall when she speaks.

  • Harvard get a life

    This warrants a study, clearly Harvard has more money than brains. Now I know why Princeton is #1. The answer is most have the brains and intelligence of a 5 yr old. She is a human being with children who will read this. To take Star Magazine and hold it up to the nth degree of accuracy, what has the world come oh I know call the Enquirer this needs to be published there.

    • Rox

      Good. And her children can and should read this. Stop sticking up for this entitled a-hole. If her behavior were more positive, people would react better towards her. She invites any criticism she get, based on what she puts out there.

    • Lacrobat

      “The answer is most have the brains and intelligence of a 5 yr old”. Oh the irony! SUBTLE HINT: —->Satire site<— Satire. Not real. Humor. Get it now? No, probably not.

    • LabRodent

      Yes, I am sure that the article is accurate. When Tsarnaev woke up he asked whether he was more hated than Paltrow, and the FBI agent responded that it was too close to tell. Plus a picture of two Asian men looking at internet articles about Paltrow with some sort of computerized microscope in the corner of that tiny office.

  • Glaciusx

    hilarious.