After years of unsuccessfully fighting video piracy around the world, the Motion Picture Association of America is convinced it has finally come up with a solution to stop it once and for all: Only make movies starring Eddie Murphy.
While MPAA investigators scoured the globe for months trying to find pirated copies of Murphy’s films, including “Meet Dave” and “Imagine That,” MPAA chairman Christopher Dodd admitted they were unsuccessful in their quest. Dodd also said that the far-reaching study found no evidence of any of Murphy’s films showing up on any of the well-known bit torrent sites, including The Pirate Bay.
“We are pleading with all studios, production companies and producers to consider putting Eddie Murphy into any movie they make,” Dodd told Hollywood & Swine. “Our study clearly proves without a doubt that Mr. Murphy seems to be the one great deterrent to piracy.”
Asked about “A Thousand Words,” Murphy’s latest comedy that opened last Friday to a paltry three-day boxoffice total of $6.3 million and a “zero” rating on Rotten Tomatoes, Dodd said, “The MPAA has no doubt that Mr. Murphy will continue his streak of not having any movies pirated. As a matter of fact, the movie is so bad, we doubt that Paramount will even bother releasing a DVD for anyone to pirate.”
But the MPAA’s call to studios to only make movies starring Murphy set off a firestorm of controversy around the world. In China, where the pirating of Hollywood’s intellectual property runs rampant and is unchecked by the Chinese government, officials there immediately condemned the MPAA’s plan.
“Hollywood is asking for an all-out trade war,” said one Chinese official. “With no demand for pirated movies starring Eddie Murphy, many of our workers will lose their jobs. There will be nothing left for these unemployed workers to do but go to work assembling products for Apple or work in the DreamWorks Animation sweatshop that will soon open in China.”
On the sidewalks of Manhattan, numerous street vendors who specialize in selling bootleg DVDs, were equally upset. “I learned my lesson after ‘The Adventures of Pluto Nash,’ and I won’t do it again,” said Azad Daoud, who sells pirated movies on New York’s Canal St. “If they start putting him into every film made, that’ll be the end of my business.”