Using the same brilliant strategy that successfully lured Shaquille O’Neil away from the Orlando Magic in the mid-90s to the Los Angeles Lakers, Hollywood has agreed to re-make ‘Kazaam,’ this time offering the title role to the current star center of the Magic, Dwight Howard. The decision came following a meeting of Hollywood’s most powerful high-profile Laker fans, who are upset that their team was bounced from the second round of the playoffs two years in a row.
“Kazaam” will be jointly released by Disney, Paramount, Universal, Sony and Fox, so as to allow them to equally share in the millions lost from the reboot.
“Andrew Bynum is more unreliable than Lindsey Lohan is at making her call time,” said longtime Laker fan Jack Nicholson, who spearheaded the move to bring Howard to Los Angeles by any means possible. “It’s time we brought in Dwight Howard even if that means re-making one of the worst films of all time.”
“Kazaam,” which was released in 1996, the same year O’Neil joined the Lakers, was a boxoffice flop and considered one of the worst films Hollywood has ever produced. In the film, O’Neil played the title role of Kazaam, a 5000 year-old rapping genie who appears from a magical boom box and grants a boy three wishes.
According to sources, the movie was produced after a top secret agreement was hammered out between O’Neil and a powerful cabal of Hollywood Laker fans, who promised to greenlight the dreadful comedy if he left Orlando.
Dwight Howard, the NBA’s three-time defensive player of the year and most dominating big man in the game, views himself as his generation’s Shaquille O’Neil, which is why he wants to play the iconic role of Kazaam.
“We’re aware that nobody wants to see ‘Kazaam,’ ” said Joel Silver, a long time Laker fan who has agreed to produce “Kazaam.” “But I’d rather watch a reboot of Kazaam than see the Lakers get knocked out of the playoffs again.”