J.K. Rowling

J.K. Rowling Forced to Change Phone Number After Warner Bros. Executives Harass Her to Write Another ‘Harry Potter’ Novel

J.K. Rowling revealed today that she has been forced to change her phone number several times to avoid harassing late night phone calls from Warner Brothers executives begging her to write another “Harry Potter” novel.  Rowling, who made the admission during a publicity junket for the publication of her new novel “The Casual Vacancy,” claims the phone calls turned obscene after the studio learned her contemporary adult novel, “The Casual Vacancy,” contained no magic or mention of Harry Potter.

J.K. Rowling

“Harry Potter” author J.K. Rowling on the verge of tears after Warner Bros. executives managed to track down her new phone number.

“J.K. should have some compassion,” a Warner Brothers spokesperson told Hollywood & Swine.  “Our studio is so desperate for tentpoles that we greenlit a movie version of ‘Lego’ last week.  We’re not asking her for a kidney, just another sequel to our most popular film franchise.  It doesn’t even have to be good.”

According to Rowling’s phone records, the harassing calls from Warner Brothers began in June, 2011, when the studio’s highly anticipated tentpole “Green Lantern” opened to horrible reviews and poor boxoffice, hurting any chance the studio had for it to become its next big franchise.  The phone calls became more frequent following the release of “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2,” the final installment in the Warner Brothers series that grossed over $7.7 billion worldwide, and continued to get more threatening as “The Dark Knight Rises,” the last film in the studio’s successful Batman trilogy, came out.

Rowling even alleges that Warner Brothers film group President Jeff Robinov drunk dialed her last week after a mean teenager told him that he was never going to be able to get the studio’s dream project “Justice League” off the ground.

“I got stuck on the phone with Jeff until four in the morning because he wouldn’t stop pitching me plots for the next ‘Harry Potter,” said Rowling.  “I won’t throw my name on anything just to churn out another movie.  I’m not Tyler Perry.”

  • http://twitter.com/MathewGodfrey2 Mathew Godfrey

    They’re most popular film franchise?

  • smeer

    hi dear i am a writer from pakistan please tell me how can i enter in hollywood? i am jobless man and i wnat;s job please help me

  • AliMcJ

    Hey, that’s the price you pay for the big fancy manor. Welcome to Hollywood, J.K.
    The adult novel was blah. She should write another HP novel, matching the quality of Order of Phoenix. The novels declined after that and the last one was very disappointing: dispensing with characters right and left because she wanted to finish the whole thing off. The film version was better than the book, an unusual occurrence. Only other one I can think of is” A Passage to India,” which was more moving and descriptive than E.M. Forster’s slim novel, which I read after seeing the film. Read all HP novels B4 seeing films.

    Didn’t bother to read Twilight books . . . for obvious reasons.

  • Lacrobat

    Given that “Fantastic Beasts” will now be a trilogy, this spoof satirical article (yes guys, it’s not real) is actually starting to seem a lot more credible.