Jerry Sandusky

Jerry Sandusky Placed On Suicide Watch After Learning He Missed ‘Teen Choice Awards’

Convicted child molester and former Penn State football coach Jerry Sandusky was placed on suicide watch Monday at Pennsylvania’s Centre County jail where he is being held, after learning he missed this year’s “Teen Choice Awards.”  Sandusky has watched the annual awards show where teens vote for their favorite entertainers, every year since it began in 1999.

“It’s the only day of the year when I like giving teens a choice,” Sandusky told Hollywood & Swine.  “I can’t believe I missed it.”

Jerry Sandusky

Although he missed watching the “Teen Choice Awards,” Jerry Sandusky did manage to buy a poster from the show off eBay, which he promptly hung inside his jail cell.

Sandusky learned he had missed this year’s show after overhearing two Centre County guards discussing how Josh Hutcherson and Jennifer Lawrence won the Best Liplock Award for their kiss in “The Hunger Games.”  According to other inmates, Sandusky began screaming, “The ‘Teen Choice Awards’ were last night? Why didn’t someone tell me?”

From there, Sandusky’s mental state grew more erratic as he demanded to know who all the winners were and what Taylor Lautner was wearing.  When guards refused to answer Sandusky’s questions, he threatened to kill himself and was immediately placed on suicide watch.

Sandusky was, however, excited to learn that instead of being presented with a colorful surfboard, as winners usually are, Justin Bieber instead received the recently removed statue of Penn State coach Joe Paterno as his prize for winning the Best Male Artist Award.

  • Sue Haskins

    What humor. What photoshoppong. Reminds me of The Onion.

  • Megan

    lol not bad tbh.

  • Erupp Osaurus

    Go figure…