jodie foster 2

John Hinckley, Jr. Furious to Discover Jodie Foster is Gay 32 Years Too Late

John Hinckley, Jr., the man who shot President Regan in 1981 in a misguided attempt to impress Jodie Foster, is now furious with the Oscar-winning actress for waiting until Sunday night’s Golden Globe awards to finally reveal she’s gay.

“This information would have been useful a few decades earlier,” an angry Hinckley, Jr. told Hollywood & Swine, adding that he quickly disposed of all his Jodie Foster memorabilia after hearing the actress’ speech.  “If I had known I never had a chance with Jodie because I’m a man, I wouldn’t have tried to assassinate the President to get her to like me.”

Jodie Foster

Shortly after finding out Jodie Foster was gay, John Hinckley, Jr. promptly disposed of his collection of the actress’ memorabilia.

Hinckley, Jr., who watched the Golden Globes from his room at St. Elizabeth’s Hospital in Washington D.C. where he’s spent the last thirty-one years, was shocked after seeing Foster, his former stalking victim, finally admit she prefers women during her Cecil B. DeMille Award acceptance speech.

Hospital staff were forced to sedate Hinckley Jr. after he became furious during Foster’s speech, because she not only revealed she was a lesbian, but also because the speech rambled on, endlessly holding up the rest of the show.

Later in the Golden Globes broadcast, Hinckley, Jr. and his fellow patients caused a near riot in the mental hospital when “Silver Linings Playbook” lost out to “Les Miserables” for Best Musical or Comedy.   According to Hinckley, Jr., “Silver Linings Playbook” was his favorite film of the year, since it told the inspiring story of a man sentenced to a mental hospital for violence, who finally gets out and continues obsessing over a woman. Hinckley, Jr. claims he hasn’t felt as connected to a movie since “Taxi Driver,” which also starred Robert DeNiro.

Hinckley, Jr. also revealed to Hollywood & Swine that he’s getting a sex change operation, hoping there’s still a chance for him and Foster to have a future.  When released from St. Elizabeth’s, Hinckley plans to immediately begin stalking Lana Wachowski, the writer-director formerly known as Larry and the co-creator of the “Matrix” trilogy, in order to get advice on making the transition from a man to a woman.

  • Greg Bonkowski

    Funny….though it should’ve said…”gay…what do you mean she’s gay?” Hinckley lamented. “You mean to tell me that I shot the world’s most powerful man for nothing? There’s thirty-two years I won’t be getting back.”

  • Goat

    He’s annoying. I don’t think Jodie Foster wants a transexual either, can’t he just give up?! Lmao

  • Dixie Kodet

    I thought he got the death sentence? Damn!

    • earl kyat

      I thought so 2

    • Noles

      Life in a mental hospital, might as well be a death sentence.

    • Danielle Thompson

      he never killed anyone no matter how important they are trying to kill someone does not invoke the death penalty

      • Joseph Hickman

        He killed Jim Brady, you ignoramus! !!!

        • ogickas

          James Brady did not die until 2014

      • ogickas

        James Brady did not die until 2014.

  • AugustineThomas

    Homosexuality is a sin, not a definition of character.

    Like so many have, she can easily renounce her homosexuality if she decides to stop pursuing that perversion. (Like most lesbians, she probably just prefers female company to that of selfish modern males and so she calls herself a lesbian.)

    • Misha

      Before you try to make and enforce claims about what a god might want from us, you must first prove that it exists in the very first place. Go pray to your invisible friend in the sky, and quit trolling online for chances to spread the mental disease of un-reason you call “faith” that you use as justification for your bigotry.

      • AugustineThomas

        First of all, it’s absolutely absurd to believe that everything came from nothing for no reason. The Creator God is essentially proven because atheism is the definition of absurdity. It’s absolutely impossible for a void of nothingness, which lacks all willpower, to create anything, let alone everything.

        Furthermore, no one can prove anything concretely. If we were truly to follow your advice, we would all return to barbarism and stop speaking language because no one can prove theism, agnosticism or atheism scientifically.

        Since the beginning of history, men have looked beyond their inability to see or touch God physically. Only secularists, the worst murderers and the most immature, perverted heathens in history, are so stupid that they believe it’s sophisticated to deny God without ever having learned philosophy or theology.

      • Angela Ashley

        Oh Misty God is real and one day you will bow on your knees before Jesus.

    • Angela Ashley

      Very true. There is a heaven and hell and homosexuals will NOT go to heaven. Doesn’t matter how much they go to church, if they dont turn from their gay lifestyle.

  • Emily

    “This information would have been useful a few decades earlier… If I had known I never had a chance with Jodie because I’m a man, I wouldn’t have tried to assassinate the President to get her to like me.” Oh yeah, *that* is why you shouldn’t have shot the president.

  • Brendon Glad

    Good to see he’s recovered so well (as was the report a couple years ago.) i mean getting a sex change operation in the hopes of having a better shot with Jodie is better than trying to assassinate people, right? Good lord, what a nut.

  • joe

    You and your exclusive god suuuuuuckkkkkk.

    • Frank Keen

      and you and your hollywood scum bags suck,…along with all the assholes in the white house

  • Rachel

    Lmao what he did was crazy & hes very sick! But this story made me laugh!! This dude seriously needs to get over it! Its been over 30 years plus news flash shes not into men!!! Lol

  • Digi13

    And they think it’s safe to let this dude out roaming around an driving a car doing what he wants? I think the judge that decided this is a bit touched too!

  • peggy

    Keep gay opinion to yourself

  • WisenCynical

    Calling BS on this one!!! Hey, better late than never.

  • Ben Sky

    This great nation is waaaay to kind to mad men.

  • Graham Luke

    Wow, our psych facilities blow.

  • Debbie

    And this psycho was released from mental hospital why????