stephen baldwin

Justice Department to Investigate IRS Targeting Of Washed-Up Celebrities

The Justice Department announced plans today to immediately launch an investigation into allegations that the Internal Revenue Service has been targeting washed-up Hollywood celebrities for over a decade.  The announcement comes on the heels of the resignation of I.R.S. Commissioner Steven T. Miller, who was forced out by President Obama Wednesday following additional revelations that the agency was also targeting conservative political groups.

According to Miller, several years ago, employees at the IRS began playing a game called “Which Has-Been Celebrity Can You Send to Federal Prison?”, which resulted in the arrests of Lauryn Hill, Stephen Baldwin, Wesley Snipes, as well as liens on assets belonging to Nicolas Cage, Lindsay Lohan, and Pamela Anderson.

Stephen Baldwin

Reigning IRS champion auditor Pete Baez, who heads up the agency’s washed-up celebrity division, in his office

“The only reason someone goes to work for the IRS in the first place is because they like to kick someone when they’re down,” Miller told Hollywood & Swine, as he finished packing up his office.  “And who’s more fun to kick when they’re down than a has-been celebrity?”

Miller revealed that he reigning IRS champion is auditor Pete Baez, who discovered Chris Tucker owed $12 million in back taxes.  The outgoing commissioner also admitted that over the years the IRS has been manipulating movie star Nicolas Cage’s tax bill, claiming he owes several million dollars more in back taxes, in order to see how bad of a film role the former Oscar-winner is willing to accept to pay off Uncle Sam.

“If we told Mr. Cage the truth years ago, that he had actually paid off his tax bill in full, then we never would have had the pleasure of watching him tarnish his career with performances in the truly horrendous films ‘Sorcerer’s Apprentice,’ ‘Drive Angry,’ ‘Season of the Witch,’ ‘Trespass,’ ‘Stolen,’ ‘Seeking Justice,’ and ‘Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance,’” Miller said.  “Fortunately for us, Mr. Cage hasn’t caught on to our game, because he’s as bad as math as he is as choosing his movie roles.”

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