lance armstrong

Lance Armstrong Joins Cast of ABC Family’s ‘Pretty Little Liars’

On the heels of being stripped of his seven victories in the Tour de France for illegally doping and being fired by such companies as Nike, Trek Bicycles and Oakley, Lance Armstrong announced this morning that he has signed on to join the cast of ABC Family’s hit teen drama, “Pretty Little Liars.”

According to ABC Family executives, Armstrong, who was also banned for life from competitive cycling, will play a mysterious biker known as “The Man With One Testicle,” who rides into the town of Rosewood and teaches the other characters on the show how to keep lying even when the entire world knows you’re not telling the truth.

“My agent gave me two options,” Armstrong told Hollywood & Swine.  “I could join ‘Pretty Little Liars’ or ‘Dancing With the Stars.’  But when I found out ‘Dancing With the Stars’ tests their contestants for drugs, the choice was simple.”

According to the show’s producers, they became interested in casting Armstrong after being impressed by his acting skills during an interview where he claimed he never used performance enhancing drugs, such as EPO, to help him win the Tour de France.

“If you think my lying about using drugs was incredible acting, you should’ve seen me when I was dating Sheryl Crow and told her with a straight face that I liked her music,” Armstrong said.

Armstrong hopes his performance on “Pretty Little Liars” will convince Hollywood that he should play himself in the Lance Armstrong biopic being developed by Sony Pictures based on his autobiography, “It Not About the Bike.”

“I’ve been working with the screenwriters on a much edgier third act,” Armstrong said.  “And we even gave the film a new title — ‘It’s Not About the Bike, It’s About the EPO.’ “

  • monica

    Is this a joke

    • Sandy

      Of course it is!

  • monica

    Abcfamily pll serious about letting him on the show ok adam lambert one thing but this guy they got to be fucking kidding me is this a joke? Going to be hard taking this show serious if they let him on the show.

    • Kat

      Of course it’s a joke. You can’t tell from the way the article was written?

  • lance.sux.kok

    i have e testicles.
    who wants to squeeze them while my boyfriend gives me a friggin superb blow job?

  • LA is a FAG

    LA is a steroid freak for the ages. he will go down in history as the steroid guinea pig that is a joke and always will be a joke.