Lemonade Stand

LAPD Shuts Down Cee Lo Green’s Lemonade Stand

by Andy Marx & Will McArdle

LAPD officials confirmed that earlier today they shut down a lemonade stand operated by former NBC’s ‘The Voice’ judge Cee Lo Green after an anonymous tip revealed that the Grammy Award-winning musician’s secret lemonade recipe was actually ecstasy.  The raid on Green’s lemonade stand is just the latest setback for the once-beloved reality star, who last week pleaded no contest to slipping a woman ecstasy in 2012, had his TBS series, “The Good Life,” cancelled, and was forced to delete his Twitter account after he made several controversial statements about rape.

“We first became suspicious that Mr. Green was up to no good after the sign of his lemonade stand guaranteed that it would leave you feeling euphoric,” a spokesperson for the LAPD told Hollywood & Swine.  “It was when we discovered he was only selling lemonade to attractive women and offering to drive them home afterwards, that we decided to shut down the lemonade stand.  Lab results quickly proved our suspicions that Mr. Green was mixing ecstasy with Country Time lemonade mix.”

The LAPD spokesperson also confirmed that after the officers shut down Green’s lemonade stand they became involved in a physical altercation with the singer.

“Mr. Green got verbally abusive with the officers and they were forced to restrain him,” said the LAPD spokesperson.  “Unfortunately, it turned out Mr. Green wasn’t being verbally abusive, and was merely trying to entertain the officers with a rendition of his hit song ‘F**k You.’”

With the recent controversy putting Cee Lo’s television career in jeopardy, NBC Chairman Bob Greenblatt released a statement reassuring that the singer will always have a place at the network.

“Although we can no longer have someone who slips women ecstasy on a family show like ‘The Voice,’” said Greenblatt,  “Cee Lo will always have a role waiting for him as a suspect on ‘Law & Order: SVU.’”