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Los Angeles School District to Begin Teaching Hollywood Accounting to High School Students

The Los Angeles Unified School District, which has been plagued by crippling budget cuts and a record number of dropout rates, announced it is forgoing traditional mathematic courses in high school and instead will focus on teaching its students Hollywood accounting.

Hollywood Accounting is the controversial practice of eliminating the reported profit of a movie, thereby the amount the studio must pay in net profit sharing agreements. According to L.A. school officials, the Advanced Placement classes will teach students how blockbusters such as “Return of the Jedi,” “Forrest Gump” and “My Big Fat Greek Wedding,” remarkably failed to make any profit and how they can learn the practice to prepare them for jobs hiding money in Hollywood.

“Replacing Algebra and Geometry in our schools with Hollywood accounting makes a lot of sense,” Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa told Hollywood & Swine. “Hollywood accounting is much easier for most of our students who are unable to pass basic math.  You just subtract the budget and marketing costs from total boxoffice gross, then round whatever is left down to zero.”

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Former calculas teacher Gary Everett, seen in his classroom, where he now teaches Hollywood accounting to high school students.

Most Hollywood executives were in agreement that switching the standard math curriculum to focus on Hollywood accounting will help high school students land jobs after graduation.

“There’s a real shortage of people who are good at Hollywood accounting to help us hide money from actors, writers and directors who were dumb enough to put net profit participation in their contracts,” said Ron Meyer, President and CEO of Universal Studios.

Since implementing Hollywood accounting in most of the high schools in Los Angeles this fall semester, teachers have seen a positive response from their students.

“At first, my students were shocked to learn that no film in history has ever turned a net profit according to Hollywood accounting,” said Gary Everett, a former Calculus teacher, now teaching 10th grade Hollywood accounting.  “But after working on our first class assignment, which was hiding net profits from “The Avengers” so Marvel wouldn’t have to give Joss Whedon any extra money, they realized how fun math can be.”

  • OSweet

    This is a good idea, actually. Teach young people how an overbearing tax system engenders corruption. Or how the higher taxes go, the more energy and resources people will spend to reduce their burden. Think of all the money Hollywood moguls spend on lawyers on accountants to try to zero out their tax bill. For the economy at large, these are essentially resources squandered.

  • Marta

    Hilarious – so realistic – so hilarious. I know of one accountant spilling the beans on the accounting bs in a novel – but probably not before the scoundrels take off on their yachts and leave so many others broke.