Joe Simpson

Man’s Gaydar Explodes after Meeting Jessica Simpson’s Father

Blane Galloway, a 34-year-old resident of West Hollywood, was rushed to the hospital this morning when he collapsed after his gaydar — a person’s intuitive ability of to detect whether or not someone is gay — exploded following his meeting Joe Simpson, the father and manager of singer Jessica Simpson, outside a coffee shop on Santa Monica Blvd.

“My gaydar hadn’t gone off like that since I went to a live taping of the Rosie O’Donnell show in the 90’s,” the openly gay Galloway told Hollywood & Swine.  “He should be more careful how he looks when he goes out.”

Joe Simpson

Joe Simpson stands by an unconscious Blane Galloway, whose gaydar exploded following their meeting in West Hollywood.

Simpson immediately denied Galloway’s gaydar meltdown was caused by him and called the rumors about his sexuality absurd, even though he’s been seen frequently in the company of a 21-year-old male model.

“Since when is it gay for a married man to hang out with a handsome young male model?” Joe Simpson asked.  “I’m just being a good mentor to him.  That’s why I helped pay for him to move into a new apartment and spend my free time over there helping him fix it up.”

Although he denied he’s gay, Simpson did admit he is one of the worst movie producers in Hollywood,  responsible for producing such awful comedies as “Major Movie Star,” “Blonde Ambition,” and “Employee of the Month,” all starring his daughter, Jessica.

According to sources close to the Simpson family, Joe’s wife, Tina, who filed for divorce last month, first became suspicious of her husband’s sexuality after she caught him listening to one of Jessica Simpson’s albums just for enjoyment.  Tina’s breaking point came after discovering a Nick Lachey poster still hanging in the basement, even though their daughter divorced him years earlier.

Galloway stands by his gaydar, explaining that he first learned of his ability as a young child when he correctly guessed that Meredith Baxter Birney was a lesbian while watching a 1984 episode of “Family Ties.”  Friends even claim Galloway was able to detect Zachary Quinto was gay just from reading his name in the opening credits of the series “Heroes.”