We didn’t think we’d get any better holiday cards than the ones that arrived at the Hollywood & Swine office last week, but we were wrong. Obviously not wanting to miss the spirit of the holidays, Jennifer Aniston, John Travolta and Jerry Sandusky all sent cards that top our favorites this week:
Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux are not only grateful to be celebrating their first Christmas as an engaged couple, but they are also thrilled be able to share the holidays with their recently adopted child, the Smoking Indonesian Baby (Hollywood & Swine, August 27, 2012). Aniston and her new son bonded immediately thanks to their mutual hatred for Angelina Jolie, who gave the Smoking Indonesian Baby away shortly after she and Brad Pitt received him as a wedding present from their good friend, George Clooney.
The Smoking Indonesian Baby has been in talks with several publishers to pen a tell-all book about his time living with Pitt and Jolie, and has asked his new dad screenwriter Justin Theroux to help adapt it into a movie.
According to Aniston, the three of them will be doing Secret Santa with each other. She pulled the Smoking Indonesian Baby’s name from a hat, so she plans on buying several cartons of his favorite cigarettes and fireproof sheets for his bed, so he doesn’t burn down the house when he falls asleep smoking. The Smoking Indonesian Baby chose Aniston’s name from the hat, and has decided to write his new mom a poem about why she is such a better mother than Angelina Jolie. Theroux, who selected his own name, has decided to buy himself several high-priced sports cars and designer watches using Aniston’s credit card.
It’s been a long hard year for John Travolta and Jessica Simpson’s father, Joe Simpson. First, Travolta was accused by multiple male masseurs of sexual harassment and forcing them to watch his comedy “Old Dogs,” against their will (Hollywood & Swine, May 11, 2012). Then, Travolta competed in the 2012 Summer Olympics as a member of the U.S. Grecko Roman Wrestling team, but unfortunately, the over-eager Travolta was disqualified for not stopping after the whistle was blown.
Joe Simpson’s year was even worse, first he was arrested for driving under the influence, then his thirty-four year marriage to his wife ended, as rumors of him being gay began to circulate around Hollywood. Things went from bad to worse last month, when Simpson caused a man’s gaydar to explode after passing by him (Hollywood & Swine, November 6, 2012).
Travolta and Simpson planning on celebrating the new year going on Travolta’s plane for a much needed guy’s trip with several of their closest and most handsome friends. Travolta even advised Simpson that if he wants to put the gay rumors to rest, he should do what he did and record a Christmas album with Olivia Newton John.
Although this will be the first Christmas in years that neither former Penn State coach Jerry Sandusky, or Emmy-award winning Sesame Street puppeteer Kevin Clash will be working as a department store Santa Claus, they still want to wish their young fans Happy Holidays. Sandusky, who made headlines earlier this year after he was placed on suicide watch in jail after he discovered he missed the Teen Choice Awards, sent in his resume to Sesame Street last month in an unsuccessful attempt to replace Kevin Clash as the new Elmo puppeteer (Hollywood & Swine, November 12, 2012).
Clash, who was forced to leave Sesame Street, following allegations he slept with underage boys, is trying to rebuild his career in children’s television despite being on the verge of legally having to stay a 100 hundreds away from children.
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