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Most of America Already Disappointed With Performance of Next Year’s Academy Awards Host

After successfully making sure Seth MacFarlane will never host the Academy Awards again, most of America has revealed they are already extremely disappointed with the performance of next year’s Oscar host.  According to a study conducted by the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences, the criticism of the still unknown host of the 86th Academy Awards performance ranges from many who believe the host played it too safe and the rest who feel it was way too vulgar for a national broadcast.

academy awards 3“Even though the next Oscar broadcast won’t be taking place for another twelve months, I’m already sure that next year’s host will be terrible, said Bruce Creswell, a chronically disappointed Academy Award viewer from Ohio.  “But If the Oscars weren’t so fun to bitch about, I would definitely stop watching.”

Tina Fey who hosted this year’s Golden Globes has already turned down the job admitting how impossible a job it is.  Other hosts whom have been suggested include actors Andy Sandberg and Seth Rogen, who have both successfully hosted the Independent Spirit Awards.  But the actors passed on the gig, on the grounds that if they wanted people to rip apart their performance, they would just make sequels to their 2012 bombs, “That’s My Boy,” and “Guilt Trip.”

A spokesperson for ABC quickly fired back at the Oscars’ overly-negative critics. “We’re ABC, the network that turned the Geico Caveman commercial into a sitcom and made the men in drag comedy series ‘Work-It,’ last year,” the ABC spokesperson told Hollywood & Swine.  “We’re not afraid to disappoint our viewers.”

In a heroic act of self-sacrifice, actor Taylor Kitsch has agreed to jump on the career grenade of hosting the Oscars.  The “Battleship” star had only one condition: The disappointing 86th Academy Awards must be directed by either Andrew Stanton, Peter Berg or Oliver Stone.

  • Chooch

    Cool page bro. Do you even lift?