After months of partisan rancor and bitterness between President Barrack Obama and Mitt Romney, the two have finally found common ground in dealing with one issue: the country’s immigration policy. Both candidates announced today that Russell Brand should be immediately deported.
The decision to deport Brand, whom both Obama and Romney agree is the worst thing to come out of England since Mad Cow disease, came after the two candidates viewed promos for Brand’s upcoming FX show, “Brand X With Russell Brand.”
“We all assumed after “Arthur” bombed that Brand would get the hint that no one wanted him here and he’d go back to England,” President Obama said. “But it’s clear he has no intention of going home, so drastic measures were called for.”
According to U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement officials, the “Rock of Ages” star was originally going to be shipped to Guantanamo Bay, where hopefully, no one would hear from him ever again. But after careful consideration, President Obama decided that forcing other detainees to be in the presence of the annoying British star, would be considered cruel and unusual punishment, far worse than waterboarding.
Romney, one of Obama’s most vocal critics, has praised the President’s decision to throw out the alleged actor: “Brand has ruined everything he has ever touched, from the classic film ‘Arthur,’ to the MTV Movie Awards, and even America’s national treasure, Katy Perry,” said Romney. “Besides, he looks really dirty.”