Russell Brand

Obama and Romney Finally Agree on Immigration Policy: Russell Brand to Be Deported

After months of partisan rancor and bitterness between President Barrack Obama and Mitt Romney, the two have finally found common ground in dealing with one issue: the country’s immigration policy.  Both candidates announced today that Russell Brand should be immediately deported.

The decision to deport Brand, whom both Obama and Romney agree is the worst thing to come out of England since Mad Cow disease, came after the two candidates viewed promos for Brand’s upcoming FX show, “Brand X With Russell Brand.”

Russell Brand

Russell Brand waits in line with other deportees after President Obama ordered him out of the country, thus ensuring he won’t be able to appear on his own upcoming talk show, “Brand X With Russell Brand.”

“We all assumed after “Arthur” bombed that Brand would get the hint that no one wanted him here and he’d go back to England,” President Obama said.  “But it’s clear he has no intention of going home, so drastic measures were called for.”

According to U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement officials, the “Rock of Ages” star was originally going to be shipped to Guantanamo Bay, where hopefully, no one would hear from him ever again.  But after careful consideration, President Obama decided that forcing other detainees to be in the presence of the annoying British star, would be considered cruel and unusual punishment, far worse than waterboarding.

Romney, one of Obama’s most vocal critics, has praised the President’s decision to throw out the alleged actor:  “Brand has ruined everything he has ever touched, from the classic film ‘Arthur,’ to the MTV Movie Awards, and even America’s national treasure, Katy Perry,” said Romney.  “Besides, he looks really dirty.”

  • Soapstef

    Oh thank god I’m not the only one! Brand is just completely vile and….looks really dirty. I’ve begged everyone on every site I can think of to do something and consider it a personal slap I the face that he’s not only still here, but given his own show! Who’s the putz responsible for this crap?! I dare you to show yourself… massive craphole! There isn’t a poll anywhere in existence that shows that people want MORE Russell Brand! OMG…I just typed his name…kill me now!

    • MackenzieB

      I personally wish i was responable for it, cause you’re a jerk off. If I had the power to throw someone out it’d be YOU.

      • Patricia Behrens

        That,s it MackB, your outta here.. now you went and mispelled responsible.. WTF I bet your teeth are bad too You and that vile Brand asshole are banned forever !!!

        • D Johnson

          I swear. Sometimes the comments are even funnier than the article. It’s rough out here. lol.

  • MackenzieB

    This is horrible, unruley and STUPId. What has this world come too? Where we have to throw out someone because you don’t like them. Definally Russell Brand, He’s freaking great! If we could just randomly throw people out of the U.S. then i’d throw out the person who came up with this REDICULOUS and VILE idea.
    Why don’t we throw out someone whose actually done something, forreal! Like, killed people, or raped someone.
    Grow up and do something better than kicking someone out, seriously.

    • Patricia Behrens

      I vote we throw you out.. just for misspelling ridiculous. Get Outta Here

  • davidisaak

    Mackenzie, are you actually unaware that this article is a joke? Also, you might want to check out the meaning of the word “unruly.” As well as the spelling. Or is there really a MackenzieB at all? I see so many comments on this site that assume the news items are real that I’m beginning to suspect the writer also posts fake comments…in which case I guess the joke is on me!