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Over 1,300 Women Killed After Jumping in Front Of Oncoming Traffic in Hopes Ryan Gosling Would Save Them

The heroic rescue by Ryan Gosling of a British woman, who was almost hit by a taxi in New York on Tuesday, has sparked a deadly trend across the country, as thousands of women have run out into heavy traffic believing that Gosling would suddenly appear and rescue them. But as the over 1,300 unfortunate female Gosling fans who have already been killed found out, Gosling is not Superman and can’t be everywhere at once.

ryan gosling ryan reynolds

An unidentified Los Angeles woman, killed by a car, still holds the headshot of Ryan Gosling she was hoping the actor would sign after rescuing her. Unfortunately for her, he did neither.

Joel Richardson, a Chicago man, whose wife, mother, and sister were all killed after running into traffic yesterday hoping Gosling would swoop in and save them, believes the Oscar-nominated actor has blood on his hands.  “Ryan Gosling knows the powerful hold he has on the women of America.  When he actually saved a lady in real life, it was just too much for them to handle.  They all just went nuts,” said a distraught Richardson.

Hoping to reduce the death-count, authorities have asked Gosling to do Facebook check-ins, as well as tweet his location constantly so that his female fans will know he’s physically unable to pull them out of harm’s way.

On Thursday in Los Angeles, actor Ryan Reynolds tried to pull a woman out of the street as a city bus was speeding toward her.  The woman refused the actor’s attempted rescue, telling Reynolds, “I’d rather just wait for the other Ryan to show up.” Moments later, the woman was killed by the bus.

  • Stefanie C.

    Thank you. I can go to work now. LOL.

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