walt disney

Robert Iger Thaws Out Cryogenically Frozen Walt Disney; Hires Him to Run Movie Studio

After weeks of searching for a replacement for ousted studio chairman Rich Ross, Disney CEO Robert Iger announced today that he was “going back to the studio’s roots” and hiring Walt Disney, who has been cryogenically frozen since his death in 1966.

walt disney

Walt Disney, moments after being thawed out.

Iger told Hollywood & Swine he made the decision to un-freeze the legendary company founder after failing to find a suitable candidate to run the studio.

Disney told an assembled crowd he was happy to be back and couldn’t wait to get back to work.

The thawing of Walt Disney was kept top secret for several days, as Iger and other Disney employees brought him up to speed on what the studio has been up to the last half century.  “The one thing Walt couldn’t understand is why we made ‘John Carter’ and nobody could give him a good reason,” said one Disney employee who was present during Walt’s thawing and debriefing.

“I was John Lasseter, before John Lasseter,” Disney said, several hours after being thawed and debriefed on the company’s latest products. “I’m looking forward to re-making ‘Old Yeller’ in 3-D with Johnny Depp.”

But Insiders within the company say Iger’s plan has backfired. According to one employee, Walt has been already been organizing secret meetings with Disney board members behind Iger’s back.  “Walt isn’t satisfied with just running the studio.  He wants to run the whole company.”

Iger’s predecessor, Michael Eisner, warned him about bringing back Disney.  “Before Iger took over my job, I told him whatever you do, no matter how bad things get with the studio, don’t bring back Walt.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1409228320 Randall Cooper

    And the first words out of Walt’s mouth were: “What in the hell did you sumbiches do to EPCOT?”

  • Timo

    The first thing Walt would do is break up California Adventure and sell it piece by piece on Ebay, then make the Main Street train station the new hub of Disneyland, with new realms: Dixieland, Dreamland, Movieland, and Wonderland.

  • http://www.cliffyates.com Cliff Yates

    So happy I found this article. I’m producing a movie about Walt thawing out and becoming a stand-up comedian.