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Scientology Leaders Furious After Tom Cruise Caught In Catholic Church Praying For ‘Oblivion’ To Become Blockbuster

Several leaders of the Church of Scientology are furious after the religion’s most famous member, movie star Tom Cruise, was caught praying in a Catholic Church in Los Angeles for his new film “Oblivion” to become a blockbuster.  Despite the denials, Cruise was, according to witnesses, heard begging God to help him prove to Hollywood that he can still star in movie that can gross $100 million domestically that isn’t a “Mission Impossible” sequel.

tom cruise 10“People who are shocked by the fact I’d try anything to have another mega-hit, clearly haven’t watched my performance in ‘Rock of Ages,’ ” Cruise told Hollywood & Swine.  “Another reason I went to church was to distance myself from Scientology to help avoid audiences confusing ‘Oblivion’ as the next installment of ‘Battlefield Earth.’ ”

Since the sighting of Cruise praying, Vatican officials have expressed great interest in the movie star rejoining their religion full time.  Before his acting career took off, Cruise studied at the St. Francis Seminary School in Cincinnati where he was interested in becoming a priest, but Cruise was kicked out of the school for stealing booze and jumping on couches.

The addition of Cruise to the ranks of the Catholic Church would boost an already impressive roster of movie stars practicing Catholicism which includes Mark Wahlberg, Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, and Steve Carell.  The loss of Cruise would be devastating for Scientology, leaving only actor members Kirstie Alley, Jenna Elfman, Jason Lee, Juliette Lewis, Giovanni Ribisi and John Travolta.

According to a Vatican spokesman, Pope Francis personally called Scientology head David Miscavige, offering to trade Irish-Catholic actor Colin Farrell for Tom Cruise, but Miscavige countered by offering John Travolta, who Scientology has been aggressively trying to unload in recent years, as part of the deal.  Pope Francis immediately declined the trade, stating that the Catholic Church has enough sex abuse scandals already without adding Travolta.

  • wqdwqed

    No need for that, Tom 🙂 The film’s already a masterpiece, and I seriously could care less about what critics say. Guess today’s audience just isn’t ready for something like Oblivion. They’re better off with Iron Man 3 coming this month. Haha.

  • hvh

    funny.

  • ConcernedCitizen2321

    I’m sure Tom misses a real religion. Religion sucks, don’t get me wrong. But at least it’s not a tax sham in disguise.

  • Jake77

    All of Cruise’s movies have 76 million close-ups of his face! Get over yourself already!