"World War Z"

Seeking His Next Flop, Taylor Kitsch Joins Cast of Troubled ‘World War Z’

Having already starred in the two biggest boxoffice disasters of 2012, Taylor Kitsch knew he couldn’t let a third sure-fire flop get made without his involvement, so the actor announced today he has joined the cast of “World War Z.”  Kitsch signed on to Paramount’s  troubled zombie epic as soon as he heard about the serious troubles the $170 million production is having.

"World War Z"

Taylor Kitsch arrives on the set of the troubled film, “World War Z” and assures co-star Brad Pitt that, with his participation, the movie will be a disaster.

“I look for two things in a movie — major script issues, and being over budget,” said Kitsch, who recently starred in the boxoffice disasters “John Carter” and “Battleship.” “Fortunately, ‘World War Z’ has both of those things and that’s what attracted me to the project.”

Kitsch, who admits his goal is to bankrupt every studio in town, originally wanted to join the cast of another troubled film, “The Lone Ranger,” but realized he had already done enough damage to the Walt Disney Co., the studio behind “John Carter.” Having also inflicted financial damage on Universal Pictures, the studio that made “Battleship,” Kitsch decided Paramount would be his next stop.

“We are happy to welcome Taylor Kitsch to the Paramount family,” said Paramount chairman and CEO Brad Grey.  “We can’t wait to see what he does here.”

Screenwriter Damon Lindelof, whom Paramount brought in to rewrite “World War Z” is more than willing to work Kitsch into the film’s still unfinished third act.

“Like most of America, I didn’t see ‘Battleship’ or ‘John Carter,’ ” said Lindelof.  “However I did catch an episode of ‘Friday Night Lights’ and he was great as Tim Riggins.”

Industry insiders believe Kitsch’s desire to be in the biggest boxoffice failures Hollywood has to offer, is the result of a cruel prank Hugh Jackman played on Kitsch during the filming of “Wolverine.”  According to a source,  Jackman told Kitsch that a movie star’s gross point participation actually works the opposite way — the more money a film loses, the bigger the check the star will receive.

According to people close to Kitsch, this explains why the actor stands by his mailbox each morning, waiting for his bonus checks from “John Carter” and “Battleship” to arrive.

  • Jdls04

    I hardly think it is Taylor Kitsch fault that John Carter and Battleship flopped.  Actually he did a very good job in both those movies.

  • Jazzie

    Sooo NOT funny…  Both Battleship and John Carter are good and fun movies… Jumping on the bandwagon to slag them off is stupid…Especially if one didn’t even bother to watch them..

  • Hammonddog

    You guys are cruel. But funny.

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  • doug’e’fresh

    What about Collin Farrell? This guy was making big budget flops before taylor was alive and he is still making them. You would think at some point and time everyone would realize that he is the male version of penelope cruize. Nice to look at but once they put their name on the poster its a disaster.
    Just sayin 3 flops does not a career flopper make but well on his way.

    • TheNameIPicked

      Yeah but Colin Farrell still oozes coolness, despite being a failure.