two friends sitting next to each other

Shia LaBeouf Hires Actor Who Voiced Optimus Prime To Be His Sober Companion

by Andy Marx & Will McArdle

Following last week’s arrest for being drunk and causing a disturbance during a Broadway performance of “Cabaret,” actor Shia LaBeouf has made his first major attempt to turn his life around by hiring Peter Cullen, the man who voiced the wise Autobot leader Optimus Prime in the last four “Transformer” films to be his fulltime sober companion. The idea for hiring Cullen came from LaBeouf’s former director, Michael Bay, who realized that Optimus Prime was the only person LaBeouf has ever listened to, onscreen or off.

“I can’t wait for Peter Cullen to say in that epic grand Optimus Prime voice, ‘Shia it is not cool to show up plastered to a Broadway musical and start yelling at the performers,’” Bay told Hollywood & Swine. “I’m just glad Shia is finally taking steps to get his life back on track. His recent behavior has more confusing and make even less sense than the plot of my last four ‘Transformers’ films.”

Cullen will move into LaBeouf’s home immediately and keep the actor away from alcohol by reciting such classic Optimus Prime lines like “Fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing” and “You may lose your faith in us, but never in yourself.”

Months ago, LaBeouf scared family and friends when he began searching for a suicide note to plagiarize after being caught plagiarizing graphic novelist Daniel Clowes’ work for a short film he directed (Hollywood & Swine, January 29, 2014) . Fortunately, it turned out the actor was only planning career suicide which he successfully pulled off with his stunt at “Cabaret” last week.