Study Reveals Networks Would Have Been Better Off Letting Chimpanzee Pick 2013-14 Lineups

by Andy Marx & Will McArdle

A new study funded by the major television networks including CBS, NBC, ABC and FOX has concluded the networks would have had much more success with new shows being renewed had they simply allowed a TV-watching chimpanzee to pick which new shows to put on during the 2013-14 season instead of their high-priced television executives.  The study was conducted following last week’s network upfronts in which it was revealed that only a handful of new shows will actually make it to a second season.


“That chimpanzee may not but be housebroken, but when it comes to network television, he’s got great instincts,” NBC President Jennifer Salke told Hollywood & Swine.  “NBC would have saved millions had we just paid more attention to the chimpanzee when he threw his feces at the screen while watching the pilots for ‘Crisis,’ and ‘Growing Up Fisher.’ ”

The 2013-14 television season has been one of the most brutal in recent memory for new shows with ABC’s “Betrayal,” “The Assets,” “Mind Games,” “Lucky 7,” “Trophy Wife,” “Back in the Game,” “Super Fun Night,” Mixology,” “Killer Women,” “Once Upon A Time In Wonderland;” NBC’s “The Michael J. Fox Show,” “Ironside,” “Crisis,” “Believe,” “Dracula,” “Welcome to the Family,” “Growing Up Fisher,” “Sean Saves the World;” CBS’s “Intelligence,” “We Are Men,” “Friends With Better Lives,” “Bad Teacher,” “Hostages,” “The Crazy Ones,’ and Fox’s “Rake,” “Dads,” “Enlisted,” “Surviving Jack,” and “Almost Human” all being cancelled.

Unfortunately for the major networks, the TV watching chimpanzee that goes by the name of Mango, will not be available to consult them on their 2014-15 lineups, since he signed a multi-million dollar development deal with HBO earlier today.

“Mango may only be a monkey but even he realizes that in the current economy and creative environment in Hollywood, cable is the only real place to go to have success,” said a spokesperson for Mango.