Sylvester Stallone announced today that he has partnered with Kimberly-Clark, the company behind Depend adult diapers, to launch “The Dependables,” an adult diaper for elderly tough guys. Stallone’s announcement coincided with the release of “The Expendables 2,” the new action film that opens today and stars senior citizens Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Chuck Norris.
According to officials of Hawaii-based Kimberly-Clark, “The Expendables 2” is the perfect movie to launch their new line of the Dependables adult diapers, which will be available in either camouflage or bulletproof styles.
“During hand-to-hand combat, the last thing I want you to worry about is an untimely bowel movement,” said 72-year-old Chuck Norris, who, in the film wears a custom-made pair of the new Dependables adult diapers featuring a black belt.
“Expendables 2” star Schwarzengegger revealed that decades of steroid abuse has wreaked havoc on his bowel control. “When Maria found out about my illegitimate child with our housekeeper I literally crapped myself,” Schwarzenegger told Hollywood & Swine. “With these new Dependables, I won’t have to worry about that again.”
Critics have slammed “Expendables 2” for its shameless product placement, especially a key scene in the film where Stallone, Schwarzengegger, Norris, Bruce Willis, Dolph Lundren, and Jean-Claude Van Damme discuss not only the benefits of adult diapers, but also Lipitor, Cialis, Medicare and retirement communities in Florida.
Stallone, who in addition to starring in “Expendables 2,” co-wrote and produced the movie, quickly dismissed the critics’ attack on his film. “Do you really think I would have made ‘Stop or My Mom Will Shoot’ or ‘Oscar’ if I really cared about what people thought?”
Stallone also revealed plots details for the inevitable “Expendables 3.” The third installment will feature Stallone and his crew taking on their toughest enemy to date: the crippling effects of arthritis.