Toyota to Investigate Prius Following Second Hollywood Suicide

Toyota Motor Corp. announced today it had launched a full-scale investigation into its line of Prius vehicles following the recent suicides of Hollywood filmmakers Tony Scott and Brian Gerber, both of whom drove the company’s popular hybrid.

According to Toyota, the investigation will affect thousands of Prius vehicles driven by members of the Hollywood community, where the hybrid is de rigueur among its environmentally correct citizens, especially celebrities.

Orlando Bloom

Celebrity Prius owner Orlando Bloom stands by his car that he hopes he can quickly unload after hearing about Toyota’s investigation into the vehicles.

“While the Prius is very popular among members of an industry that sells both sex and glamour, we admit that the Prius fails badly on both fronts — the car is neither sexy or glamorous and is downright dull,” a Toyota spokesperson told Hollywood & Swine. “Though at the moment we are treating the two suicides as a coincidence, we can’t overlook the fact that people in Hollywood may get depressed driving it.”

As news of the investigation by Toyota spread through Hollywood’s long list of celebrity Prius drivers, which includes Leonardo DiCaprio, Cameron Diaz, Julia Roberts, Dustin Hoffman, Gwyneth Paltrow, Bradley Cooper, Sandra Bullock, Orlando Bloom, Natalie Portman and Miley Cyrus, Toyota dealerships throughout Southern California were already seeing a dramatic increase in the number of celebrities and Hollywood power brokers trying to get rid of their hybrids.

According to Melanie Waxman, a Los Angeles-based therapist, the number of depressed Hollywood Prius owners she has treated has risen dramatically during the past few years.

“Most in Hollywood, especially insecure celebrities, buy the car because they believe somehow it will make them a better person when they get to announce they’re environmentally conscious,” Waxman said.  “But then they quickly learn the sad truth that not only don’t they feel any better, but they’re now driving an ugly car.”

But Filmmaker Michael Bay, known for his collection of exotic, high-priced cars, points out that although he does own a Prius, he never drives it long enough to get depressed.

“I’m in most of my Victoria’s Secret model girlfriends longer than I’m in my Prius,” said Bay, who admitted he bought his Prius just to be able to drive in the car pool lane.  “Plus I very was disappointed when it didn’t transform into a talking alien robot.”

  • PriusesGood

    I love Priuses. I am a Conservative Libertarian. I love low gas bills.

  • Jack Ballenger

    “Dear Toyota, Please give all the Kardashians a Prius ASAP! Thank You.”

  • Indigo

    “Dear Toyota, Please give all the Kardashians a Prius ASAP! Thank You.”Greatest comment ever!

  • kathcom

    Although I agree with your opinion about this piece, I feel your argument would have greater impact were it written well. To criticize “writing skills” while neglecting to take the couple of seconds it would take to spell out “you” or use proper punctuation gives this site no reason to take your opinion seriously.

    Satire always runs the risk of offending. Indeed, if it’s inoffensive and not one reader is foolish enough to think it’s a true news piece, it probably isn’t satire. Whether it’s funny or not is a different thing entirely. It’s the reason that I’ve considered unsubscribing many times. Maybe I will. For now, I’ll keep reading and decide if the funny pieces warrant slogging through the dross.

    As for admonishing someone to get a life? The last time that was funny was when William Shatner said it to a Trekkie in an SNL skit. It impresses no one, nuts numb or no.

  • meldep

    reading Hollywood&Swine makes me very happy