Chicago Police have arrested filmmaker Tyler Perry on charges of manslaughter after investigators determined that “Tyler Perry’s Temptation” was the movie seen by Roger Ebert before his death. The decision to bring Tyler Perry into custody came on the heels of the autopsy report finding Ebert’s cause of death was revulsion, most likely caused by watching “Tyler Perry’s Temptation” which scored a dismal rotten rating of 17% on Rotten Tomatoes.
“I’m confident once I show the jury a clip of Kim Kardashian’s acting in ‘Tyler Perry’s Temptation,’ they will quickly come back with a guilty verdict against Perry,” Chicago Assistant District Attorney Nate Paxton told Hollywood & Swine. “We just need to get Perry off the streets before he churns out another one of these deadly films.”
Although Ebert had no plans to write a review for the critically-panned “Temptation,” he was forced to sit through the film since it was his African-American wife Chaz’s turn to pick their date night film. During the film, witnesses claim Ebert commented that even he could write a better script than what he was watching, which was a clear indicator at how strongly he hated “Tyler Perry’s Temptation,” since Ebert’s most notable screenwriting credit is 1970’s “Beyond the Valley of the Dolls.”
In a weird twist on the case, friends and family of the legendary film critic have revealed Ebert used his final words to make a deathbed confession admitting to being the person responsible for setting Perry’s Atlanta soundstage on fire last August. Upon hearing this, Pope Francis, an admitted fan of good cinema, announced he is nominating Roger Ebert for Sainthood.