kevin james

United Nations Report Confirms Iran Simultaneously Developing Nuclear Bomb and Kevin James Comedy

A new report released by the United Nations today revealed that in addition to Iran’s quest for a nuclear bomb, the country is also actively developing a Kevin James comedy, to be released in Israel as soon as the Iranian government can put all the elements together.

According to the report, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad came up with the idea after going to a movie theater this past weekend in Tehran to see “Argo,” Ben Affleck’s film about the1979 Iran hostage crisis, but instead mistakenly walked into a theater playing Kevin James latest bomb “Here Comes the Boom.”

Kevin James

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad at a news conference announcing plans to develop a Kevin James comedy.

“It’s a lot easier to develop a Kevin James bomb than it is a nuclear bomb,” President Ahmadinejad told Hollywood & Swine.  “Instead of enriched uranium, all you need is a horrible script and director Frank Coraci.”

“Here Comes The Boom,” which opened last Friday to poor reviews and weak boxoffice, was the third straight bomb for James, following “Zookeeper” also directed by Coraci, and “The Dilemma.”  After sitting through “Here Comes the Boom,” Ahmadinejad claimed he hadn’t seen a film that unfunny since “Innocence of Muslims.”

According to Iranian government officials,  Ahmadinejad was confused as how it was possible for a film to be that bad without Adam Sandler being involved.  Moments later, an advisor informed Ahmadinejad that Sandler was in fact involved — his production company Happy Madison was behind “Here Comes the Boom.”

Ahmadinejad immediately checked out the current UN sanctions against Iran to see if there was any rule against making a film with Sandler’s Happy Madison.  Ahmadinejad learned there wasn’t although he did discover the UN was currently trying to pass sanctions against the United States which would prevent them from making movies with Adam Sandler.  Ahmadinejad then called Sandler to make a deal for him to produce the Kevin James comedy.

Sandler told Ahmadinejad that if he wanted to guarantee the Kevin James film will be a critical and boxoffice bomb, Happy Madison needed to have complete creative control.  Ahmadinejad agreed to Sandler’s terms, and Happy Madison quickly started the process of developing the untitled Kevin James bomb, which, like always, begins with hiring a friend of Sandler’s to write the screenplay.

“Hopefully, our Kevin James bomb will be released in Israel in time for summer 2013,” President Ahmadinejad said.

  • Princess Serenity Shields

    well, the guy has a sense of humour lol